Visiopoetics

This week, in “Wait, when did I miss this?” — Monkeybicycle ran a lovely May batch of one-sentence stories including one of mine.

I think I was taking a very long, deep post-finals nap. And then it was June.

On Slate this week, Christopher Beam asked: “What if political scientists wrote the news?”

The tagline (lowconcept) says it’s a spoof, but I find it quite chilling. Mostly because I read the piece without laughing once — I kept thinking these are great empirical points and basic questions the media should be routinely making/asking. I know the best comedy is true, but… Isn’t the punchline here really the unasked question of why the hell mainstream media doesn’t ask this stuff? That was the premise to be mocked by highlighting what the actual foci are instead of this. It’s the aberrant distance between logical and actual, far larger than the necessary distance between our minds and hearts, that’s so terrible and thus potentially hilarious.

Or maybe I’m a political scientist. Technically, that is what they pay me for. (Suckers.)

In completely related news, my herb garden is flowering. The entire bed, all at once. Party in the lavender.

Are you affected by the Silent Epidemic? Don’t not suffer in silence.

I think Americans would pay more attention to the terror alert levels if they were tied into something we really care about. Like instead of colors, we should have a candy-coded alert system.

As a consummate counter-terrorism professional, I have created such an alternate system. You’re welcome.

NB: The truly patriotic way to fight terror is by waging your own personal crusade on Jihadjamacallit.

Ridiculously wonderful graphic gratis YPR’s Josh Abraham.

Radish leaves do look vaguely like floppy dog ears, but they feel like sandpaper. Dave Barry’s editor apparently failed to note this logical inconsistency.

If you are Dave Barry’s editor, you can call me anyway.

What used to be a symbol of hard times — eating what you grow — has become a luxury. Salad days mean surplus time and space, not hunger and its fear.

Oh, and also salmonella. What’s that? It’s like citronella, but with a different smell.

You’re sleep-deprived, starving, and covered in goo. Do you have a new baby, or is it possible that you have been visited by an undercover Russian spy? This checklist will not help you find out.

Marvelous graphic gratis Josh Abraham over at YPR. Mike Richardson-Bryan also has some very special Yo Mama jokes, revived just in time for Mother’s Day.

Are you hungry for something more in life? Tired of the same old, bland answers to the moral conundrums of the ages? You’re in luck! There are a wide, colorful assortment of Southern church flavors just off an Interstate near you. NB: Catholic and Episcopalian flavors pair best with a dry red.

Lovely graphic gratis Josh Abraham over at YPR. Andy Bryan also has some marvelous P.R. Slogans Considered at the 2010 Pontifical Ad Council on Anglican Conversion.

Still don’t understand the financial crisis? Or perhaps you understand it, but still don’t think it’s funny? Worry not — watch the opera.

The health care reform bill has a life of its own, I opine on Open Salon.

It’s been impossible to replace Demockeracy as a go-to place for satirical newswriting since their super-cool voting software went HAL on us. Everybody reads The Onion, but nobody knows how to get stuff placed there. (If you are the exception, please let me buy you a beer or three.)

So now I’ve rediscovered and am really excited about trying Open Salon. The idea of it is wholly consistent with the original idea of the “opposite-editorial” (op-ed) pages. And also, they need more satirists. For to cross the roads and change the light bulbs, obviously.